Monday, March 28, 2016

Guilt

She moved into our rural community the year before we started 5th grade.  She sat in front of me, every day in the morning as our teacher allowed us to go to our lockers to get a snack she and another girl would make me give mine to them.  My mom often packed a fun sized candy bar for me, a valuable snack for an impoverished farming community.  I really didn’t like her, but the other girl had been a friend until she came along. Together the two girls were increasingly difficult, I dreaded seeing them at school each day.
Word spread through the telephone tree.  Later confirmed by the local paper.  She had died.  Shot by her brother as they argued while playing a card game in the dining room.  When we returned to school Monday morning our teacher, Mr. Monfort looked like he’d been crying.  He pulled her desk to the hall.  Mrs. Martin, our school principal came in the room.  They stood and talked.  Mr. Monfort tugged the desk back in.  I don’t recall any discussion, or support.  Just the empty desk.
The visitation was held mid-week but my family decided to not have me attend.  I remember feeling so sad.  But also, so guilty for feeling relieved that the two mean girls were now only one. 



6 comments:

  1. This slice broke my heart as I'm sure it also brought back sad memories for you. Guilt is a unfair life changer.

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  2. What a sad memory. And so much guilt for the young girl you.

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  3. Definitely a difficult slice to write I am sure. The conflicting feelings that you must have felt I am sure ate you alive. It breaks my heart that they would pull the desk and not have any discussion with her classmates. No matter what students should be allowed to express their feelings to help process, learn and heal from the tragedy. Fear that students will ask questions should never stop adults from having a discussion. Maybe you would have not had these conflicting feelings bottled up for so long. Sorry that you had to experience this but I am sure that it has defined who you are.

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  4. Definitely a difficult slice to write I am sure. The conflicting feelings that you must have felt I am sure ate you alive. It breaks my heart that they would pull the desk and not have any discussion with her classmates. No matter what students should be allowed to express their feelings to help process, learn and heal from the tragedy. Fear that students will ask questions should never stop adults from having a discussion. Maybe you would have not had these conflicting feelings bottled up for so long. Sorry that you had to experience this but I am sure that it has defined who you are.

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  5. Very powerful slice. The little details like moving the desk and no help or counseling offered, made me feel the weight of how this experience must have affected. Thank you for sharing such a difficult story.

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  6. Very powerful slice. The little details like moving the desk and no help or counseling offered, made me feel the weight of how this experience must have affected. Thank you for sharing such a difficult story.

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